Cancer and Patriotic Fatsoism

An old pre-Obama post that never quite got finished; as I reacquaint myself with my blog.

I was surprised to see a trashy Newsweek article written by one of the worlds top cancer researchers, Robert Weinberg.  I’m so used to him writing and speaking about the esoteric mechanisms of cancer progression that it was kind of nice read a good old-fashioned get off your fat ass review article for the masses.

He claims that by avoiding a traditional Western diet, avoiding tobacco and doing an iota of exercise we may be able to prevent up to 70 percent of cancers.  He’s not the only one saying this, hell, just do a google search.

But as I’m starting to learn as the days pass in Texas, one can ignore all these warnings by simply being patriotic about the things that are killing us.  In a society where the convenience of a video store drop box has been converted to a ‘drive through’ so one does not have to lather themselves in Crisco to squeeze out of their car seat (pardon, SUV seat), it is easier to be proud and nostalgic about the fact that in ‘merica one don’t need to get out of their car to return their videos! That’s for them savages south (or north) of the border!

But no patriotic exercise is complete without a symbol to remind you that you have done the right thing. For example, the strategic placement of a Texas lone star on said video drop box reminds one of how the rules of the state have created these opportunities for them. A picture of George W. would be a little to conspicuous when in comes to covering up propaganda to brainwash the masses.

So next time you are hobbling down the Walmart parking lot with your thighs burning from the sweaty chafeage, and your mouth watering from the though of the Kraft cheese you are going to lather you on your noodles, replace those thoughts of guilt with thoughts of pride as you realize that the redness and swelling of your moist flanks symbolize the freedom to choose.

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