asdf

asdfasdfasdfasdc

9/11 Probably More Meaningful to me Now than Before

I remember where I was: I had just been let out of biochemistry class in Toronto. Crowds were gathered around the TV monitors in the student lounge. It was hard to believe. My mother phoned me and asked me to leave downtown. I didn’t see what all the commotion was about. Frankly, I couldn’t relate to it. This was a time when Canadians were distancing themselves from Americans, and somewhere in the back of our communal conscience we thought they had it coming to them.

So tonight, after nearly 4 years living in the US, I sat down and watched “102 minutes that Changed America” and balled my eyes out. Although I have clearly understood the implications of the attacks, I had never connected emotionally or personally.  Tonight I did.

Advertisement

P-LITS-SD (Post-Living in the South Stress Disorder)

Its been nearly 3 months since I’ve left the 110 degree cauldron of hell known as Texas for the Pacific Northwest.  Trying to acclimate to a somewhat civilized society has been a challenge.  I feel like I’m living in Encino Man, having my Neanderthal brain thawed some time in the distant future.  Take for example this thing they call ‘recycling’.  I haven’t recycled in about 4 years.  That’s right. Every can, bottle, paper towel and biohazardous waste has gone into a single receptacle, the garbage. For every pound that PNWs (Pacific Northwesterners) recycle or compost, you can bet that 4 pounds of generic garbage has accrued in Waco alone.  I tried to recycle once in Texas. I was taken to the back of a shed and beaten towards an inch of my life.  They put toothpicks in my eyes and sentenced me to 4 hours of Joel Osteen rehab.

I attribute the ‘environmentalism’ in the PNW to three things: First, it seems most people here have received some sort of education. Second, they can actually see that there is a beautiful world to protect, not just a sandpit that houses fast food restaurants and gun shops.  Lastly, the proximity to Canada has had a major impact on the communal conscience. People here can point to Canada on a map, and the CBC is a local broadcast station.

I think I’ll survive. So long as no one catches me recycling food soiled paper towels.

Cancer and Patriotic Fatsoism

An old pre-Obama post that never quite got finished; as I reacquaint myself with my blog.

I was surprised to see a trashy Newsweek article written by one of the worlds top cancer researchers, Robert Weinberg.  I’m so used to him writing and speaking about the esoteric mechanisms of cancer progression that it was kind of nice read a good old-fashioned get off your fat ass review article for the masses.

He claims that by avoiding a traditional Western diet, avoiding tobacco and doing an iota of exercise we may be able to prevent up to 70 percent of cancers.  He’s not the only one saying this, hell, just do a google search.

But as I’m starting to learn as the days pass in Texas, one can ignore all these warnings by simply being patriotic about the things that are killing us.  In a society where the convenience of a video store drop box has been converted to a ‘drive through’ so one does not have to lather themselves in Crisco to squeeze out of their car seat (pardon, SUV seat), it is easier to be proud and nostalgic about the fact that in ‘merica one don’t need to get out of their car to return their videos! That’s for them savages south (or north) of the border!

But no patriotic exercise is complete without a symbol to remind you that you have done the right thing. For example, the strategic placement of a Texas lone star on said video drop box reminds one of how the rules of the state have created these opportunities for them. A picture of George W. would be a little to conspicuous when in comes to covering up propaganda to brainwash the masses.

So next time you are hobbling down the Walmart parking lot with your thighs burning from the sweaty chafeage, and your mouth watering from the though of the Kraft cheese you are going to lather you on your noodles, replace those thoughts of guilt with thoughts of pride as you realize that the redness and swelling of your moist flanks symbolize the freedom to choose.

Jesus Christ.

Watch this.

And this.
God help the US! They may soon have to import their leaders from foreign countries who at least have a formal education.  The next Sarah Palin isn’t even going to be able to speak english.

Wow. My very first “Christian Only” sale!

I must say, I’ve never seen something like this before. I actually took a picture of it.  My local Take One Video was having a “Christian Only” sale.

Maybe its because I grew up in a ‘liberal’ half of the continent, but it seems to me that this may be slightly discriminatory.

The 13 year old working the desk was quite uncomfortable when I asked him if they would extend their offer to people who did not share the same faith.  I backed off realizing that the poor man has probably never seen a person with such dark hair as I before.

Well, I hope they contact me when its white-people only day.

Anyway, I hope you don’t interpret this as an anti-religious post.  I just feel it may exclude people unnecessarily.

Is the Palin Baby Being Drugged?

I’m no “doctor” but aren’t children supposed to move or be awake ever? How come baby Trig never moves?  The reason for my pondering is that my super-cute Australian Cattle Dog returned from her dental cleaning today all drugged and groggy, and I thought to myself “Oh jees, Ju Ju Bee looks kind of like Trig.” She was soooo cute and cuddly that I made my wife promise that we wait ’til her ovaries are shriveled and full of genetic anomalies before we have a baby.  We will name the munchkin-monster “Onometry”.

I’m not opposed to the baby being drugged.  I think its a great example of innovative ideas being put into practice.  Wailing baby syndrome is a serious issue in this country and really should be the focus of more NIH funding investment and Pharmaceutical Marketing.  In fact, I think I’ve seen more crying babies than obese ones, and you know how concerned we are about the obese ones!

P.S. For the record, I’m not a Palin hater.  I think she is quite well composed and just as capable of running the country into the ground as the rest of these clowns.  What I’m not a fan of is shear disgusting political move/sociological experiment/sell-out/warped Disney movie that she represents.  It’s quite clear why she was chosen to be JM’s running mate, and it wasn’t because she was the governer of the closest state to Russia. It was just another way of manipulating the American lemmings away from the issues that really affect their lives. And you can’t tell me after watching the democratic primaries that being a woman would not be an issue!

What do Canadians think of Sarah Palin?

I was  wondering to myself what Canadians thought of the new American Wolf in Sheep’s Clothes since those Canucks are slightly more resilient to political tripe than their southern neighbors.

Check the comments on this globe and mail article and I think it will give you a good idea.  Though keep in mind that the comments are a bit biased because most people don’t even understand the G&M vocabulary.

P.S. She is still hot!  and its got to more than shear coincidence that her kids share the same names as my wife’s nicknames for my wang.  Speaking of which . . . off to polish Piper and trim the Track, put some bark on the old Willow if you know what I’m saying. . . sorry…. that was immature.

Getting Divorced? Should’ve Moved to Texas

Only in Texas could something this intelligent be instated. Well maybe not, but people here like to preface everything they say with ‘only in Texas’. I’m just getting the hang of it.  Here is a whole website devoted to things only in Texas. This new law put a smile on my face:  Twogether in Texas is a new program that puts couples through a grueling 8hr course prior to getting married. Much like taking a drivers education course, there is a benefit. The $60 wedding fee is waived.  Genius.  In such hard economic times, this will really save people that extra money they need for the 5 gallons of gas that they need to get to the ranch so they can go and shoot cans with their uncle Richie. 

With so many happy couples on the horizon, you can’t help but wonder what they will come up with next. A law that lets women take maternity leave so they can raise their children?  How about helping parents pay the over $150 dollars a week it costs to put your child in a day care while the women haul their asses to work while still applying antiseptic on their C-section scars twice a day?  How about free spanish classes for parents so they can understand the language that their children are being brought up on from birth?  How about funding an NIH grant to develop in vitro breasts so women don’t have to sit at their office desk with their boobs hooked up to pumps so that their babies at least get day-old breast milk? 

Yup, life can be stressful.  But don’t worry, you can always cancel your health insurance to make sure the kid at least gets food, hell you wouldn’t be able to pay the co-pay anyway, right?.  At least when the shit hits the fan you can look back at the 8 hour course you took, and remember how much you love your significant other.

Some of My Highlights from the ISSCR

Well, I’m home.  Time to sit back and think about what I can remember about what was certainly an informative conference.  Click the more button to read some summaries of some of the talks. I’ll keep adding to this as my motivation piques.